Shards of What Might Be
by Karl E.E. Ting
Summary: A Novice of the White Tower unknowingly touches a Portal Stone and lives her life a thousand times, all of what might be and can be. Reviews are appreciated!
1. Part one: What Can Happen Alone

Mariana stood resolutely, eyes locked with the man in front of her.  
  
He was a Male Channeler, a suspected Dark Friend, and wanted by almost every country; but he was going to let her study him and that was all that mattered.  
  
The yellow fringe on Mariana's shawl swayed gently as she stepped back, taking her hands from the sides of 'Ranolin's head and dusting them off calmly. She could show no anxiety outwardly even though inside she was twisted in knots of fear and borderline terror. If anyone found out about this. Well Mariana didn't want to think about that.  
  
"I'm done, you may go now." Mariana nodded, her earrings swinging back and forth a little.  
  
Ranolin nodded, just a coolly, and turned to focus on the spot he always made his gateway at.  
  
The door burst open and five Aes Sedai stepped into Mariana's chambers. Deedlit, Mira, Iliana, Kazalyn, and Nest.  
  
Iliana and Deedlit hardly even blinked, they embraced the power and slammed out with it at Ranolin before Mira, Kazalyn, and Nest had even recognized the man.  
  
As a charred corpse fell to the floor, all five gazes shifted to Mariana and caused her to step back, a hand to her throat.  
  
"Please." she whispered as a shield slipped over her, but it was too late. Too late.  
  
*flicker*  
  
"The way back will come but once, be steadfast." the voice echoed in Mariana's head like an empty whisper and she saw the silvery portal open a little to her left, if she didn't go now, she would be stuck here forever.  
  
A tear trickled down Mariana's face but she turned back to the battlefield all around her, not noticing when the portal disappeared, flickered back for a moment, and then went again.  
  
Mariana was a healer, she could do something here, and until that task was done she knew she couldn't leave. But now she would never leave, and was it worth it for what might not even be real? Mariana thought so.  
  
*flicker*  
  
"I'm sorry child." Estrella said softly and moved around her desk to look Mariana in the eye.  
  
"You haven't got the talent for healing, the yellow ajah does not except you."  
  
In stunned silence, Mariana turned to go, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her for a moment and she looked back to see Estrella's pained look.  
  
"You. I think you would make a fine blue."  
  
With a shake of her head, Mariana walked out of the office in a daze, hardly noticing the comforting looks from any Yellow Ajah she passed. They all knew, they all bloody knew.  
  
When she entered her room, Mariana embraced the power and traveled, not even taking in the vase of yellow roses or the two novices who were packing up her things to be taken from the accepted rooms to a chamber for an Aes Sedai.  
  
The blight appeared around Mariana, shimmering in the heat of a blazing sun and hot enough that Mariana instantly broke into a sweat.  
  
The trolloc's were surprised when their limbs ripped away from their bodies, spraying blood and staining the hard earth, but Mariana wasn't surprised when the dagger sank into her back and brought death quickly.  
  
*flicker*  
  
*flicker*  
  
*flicker*  
  
Mariana's eyes flew open and she staggered back, thudding into Jairc and collapsing into his arms weakly.  
  
"Mariana? Mariana! What happened?!" Jairc's voice held an edge of panic as he grabbed Mariana to himself so hard she almost couldn't breath.  
  
"Fine." Mariana nodded slightly and gasped in a deep breath as Jairc loosened his grasp.  
  
"Are you alright? There must be a healer of some sort in that little town a few miles back, we could be there by-"  
  
"No. I'm fine." Mariana tapped Jairc's lips with a finger to silence him and smiled a little, "I'm just tired. I. I must have drifted off."  
  
"Drifted off?" Jairc said with an arched eyebrow.  
  
Blinking, Mariana looked around and was surprised to see that the sun was going down. Had she never left the camp sight? Was she real? Of course she was real, but.  
  
"You said you wanted to look at the carvings on that stone and the next thing I knew you were stumbling back and yelling something about the 'Great Lord'?." Jairc hesitantly added the last part, peering uncertainly at Mariana.  
  
"Great Lord? Why in the light's name would I." Mariana trailed off and her face turned to a mask of horror as she realized what had happened, a faint memory of turning to the Dark, almost as if she had done it along time ago.  
  
"I. Lived a thousand lives. They were all me but I made different choices, went down different paths." Mariana couldn't look in Jairc's eyes, hoping he wasn't angry with her for. What she hadn't done?  
  
"Shhhh. It's alright." Jairc said quietly and hugged Mariana to himself, rocking back and forth a little as she burst into tears, what was she talking about? He knew she wasn't a Dark Friend; the very idea was ridiculous. It would just have to wait. 


	2. Part two: What Can Happen Together

Jairc watched the morning sky intently; glittering stars were slowly fading away as the pink of dawn crept over the hills, as if some dark mantle were being lifted.  
  
Mariana had fallen asleep with her head on his chest after crying for a while, so Jairc had carefully shifted, he didn't want to get a cramp from squatting on his heels. But now he faced a dilemma.  
  
Mariana was a very modest girl, the most she had ever done before was sleep within two feet of him or doze off with her head on his chest, but never actually on top of him. Should he shift her off so she wouldn't be embarrassed and maybe even angry? Or should he just let it be? It wasn't as if they were really sleeping together. Yes, he would just let it be, Mariana was never angry for long anyways.  
  
Shifting a little, as if realizing he had just decided what to do, Mariana mumbled, "Do I have to get up? Please tell me it's still night."  
  
Tightening his arms, Jairc gave her a slightly clumsy hug and said softly, "Sorry, it is morning. But you don't have to get up till you want to."  
  
"Mmmmm, that's good. Why is my bed so hard?" Mariana cracked one eye open and found herself staring at Jairc's chest. The other eye flew open and Mariana turned her head around and up to look at Jairc in surprise.  
  
Jairc blushed as Mariana jerked her head away from his face after a second, she was angry with him! He just knew it!  
  
Mariana jerked her head away as a neck cramp started to form from the awkward position and she struggled to stand so she could look at him without killing herself.  
  
"Sorry." Jairc blushed and he scrambled backwards, almost falling as he stood up, having her lay on his knees all night has stiffened his legs like fence posts.  
  
"For. For what?" Mariana blushed, trying to fix her hair from its wild tangle, she must look a mess.  
  
Jairc didn't say anything, just blushing and stiffly walking over to his pack to get some apples and cheese out for breakfast, he had to lean awkwardly over to pick it up because his knees didn't quite want to bend.  
  
"Jairc there is nothing to be sorry for. It's not like we. Ermmm I mean, not like. Anyways." Mariana coughed and rolled her head in a circle to loosen her neck, causing it to pop several times. Lying with her neck bent certainly made it stiffer. Not that she had anything to complain about. Light! She reminded herself of a tavern maid.  
  
"I didn't know what to do, I'm sorry I just." Jairc trailed off and began examining the apples with great care, couldn't eat bad apples after all. "Jairc look at me." Mariana said firmly, giving up on her hair for the moment and holding back a blush. There was really nothing to blush about, they hadn't. Well they hadn't.  
  
Jairc looked at Mariana, he certainly seemed to think there was something to blush about.  
  
"We didn't do anything improper." Mariana stated clearly, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "I'm not angry with you and from the way you look I don't suppose you're angry with me." Not very inspired, but hopefully it would do the trick.  
  
Jairc's blush seemed to have gone down a notch or two, thank the Light, and he was walking less stiffly now, maybe that had been embarrassment too.  
  
After a quick, and rather quiet, breakfast Mariana stood and dusted her hands off glancing uneasily at the stone pillar and wandering what had happened. She had to know, but was she brave enough?  
  
"No Mariana!" Jairc said forcefully with an emphatic shake of his head, "You are NOT going near that thing again. In fact I should have gotten us as far from it as possible the moment I saw something was wrong!"  
  
With a blink, Mariana turned back to Jairc. She must have been thinking aloud.  
  
"Jairc please." Mariana said quietly locking eyes with him. Why did his eyes remind her of Ranolin? Who was Ranolin? She didn't think she knew anyone by that name.  
  
Jairc was just about to declare that he had no intention of letting her within five feet of the stone again when he realized he couldn't speak. Her gaze held him as firmly as a noose, and maybe leading him to the same fate.  
  
"Only if we do it together." The words popped out of Jairc's mouth before he could stop them.  
  
Mariana's smile could out shine the sun, and she was certainly giving competition right now.  
  
"Then lets do it now!" she said, grabbing his hand and lunging for the stone before he could say anything else. She didn't know if she would be able to do it if she waited any longer, and she had to know!  
  
"MARI-" Jairc's horse yell cut off suddenly as Mariana embraced the power and the world changed in the blink of an eye.  
  
*flicker*  
  
Mariana leaned against the bar tiredly, she had been on her feet all day serving drinks and dodging the drunken outlanders, they were always crude.  
  
A tingling at the back of her mind seemed to suggest this wasn't how it was supposed to be. Mariana felt the tingle often, and it was becoming more frequent as the years passed, like a nagging aunt who got more annoying with age.  
  
The doors parted and a man swept into the bar from the night, driving the tingle from her head and seeming to materialize from the shadows. All the patrons turned to look at him and more than one serving girl's mouth fell out of alignment.  
  
He was tall and darkly tanned, well muscled but still light on his feet. His hair was perhaps a bit more ragged looking than Mariana cared for on a man, perhaps he had been out in the forests for a long time, but that almost seemed to increase the rest of his features.  
  
The tingling began again, almost frantically, and Mariana propelled herself towards him, pushing off the bar with both hands and lengthening her stride as far as it would go, a few of the other girls had also moved towards him but Mariana HAD to get to him first! Light burn her she had to move faster!  
  
She came to an abrupt halt in front of him, her breath ragged in her throat, and she dropped into a curtsy deep enough for a king.  
  
"What would you like today, sir?" she asked breathily and straightened, smoothing her rumpled skirts absently as she was mesmerized by his eyes which were so much like Jairc's. But who was Jairc?  
  
"Ale, if you please." He said with a smile that almost made Mariana gasp in shock, how could any man look that handsome if he hadn't walked right out of a dream?  
  
"What's your name?" Mariana asked, scurrying to get him a cup, a clean cup, and fill it with ale, hardly noticing the sour grimaces the other girls gave her and a big wink from the huge cook.  
  
"Jairc."  
  
*flicker*  
  
The battle raged on, Mariana launching ice and fire at the trollocs that surrounded her. Where was Jairc?!  
  
As if she had summoned him up, a gap appeared in the trolloc ranks and Jairc glided through with the grace of a mountain lion; a mountain lion on a killing spree.  
  
"Right or left?" Mariana yelled and Jairc shifted his head a little to the right, meaning they were to make a break for the left.  
  
"NOW!" Mariana screamed. and waited, the trollocs squeezed tighter together to her right, bracing for the attack and only realizing a second too late that it had been a faint.  
  
A pure white beam of light burst from Mariana's hands, lancing through the trolloc ranks to her left and creating an opening that Jairc moved into and swiftly made wider. He was the best warder a Green could ask for, and better than a Yellow like Mariana deserved.  
  
Mariana had never been a fighter, her skills lay in healing, but as the Dragon Reborn lead them all towards the last battle Mariana had found herself adapting to the changes. She was a fighter now, although admittedly still much better at healing.  
  
The trollocs ringed around them again and Mariana saw she and Jairc wouldn't make it out, it was hopeless and the trollocs knew it, which was why they stood back a little massing for a moment before lunging forward again.  
  
"I'm sorry Mariana." Jairc said, he must have been yelling but it almost sounded normal.  
  
"There is nothing to be sorry for, my love." Mariana whispered, and she knew he heard her, even over the battle which carried her words away like flecks of dust in the wind.  
  
Suddenly the trollocs around them fell screaming, one of them almost falling on Mariana except that Jairc slammed his palms into it and knocked it back. Out of the corner of her eye Mariana saw a writhing fade fall headless to the ground as a green and her two warders focused their attacks on it while two Male Channelers kept a ring of space clear around them.  
  
A horn sounded, a silver note that could almost be seen shimmering in the air and that sliced through the trollocs ranks like a giant's sword.  
  
As a mist began to rise around Mariana and Jairc, they looked at each other and laughed, life seemed to fill them both as they realized that the battle was already as good as won. and they were still alive.  
  
*flicker*  
  
Something made Mariana turn from the mirror in which she watched herself comb her silver-white hair, there was a feeling in the air and she couldn't put her finger on it. It made her uneasy some how.  
  
Jairc was still tall after all these years, although perhaps a little less dark and handsome, and he never stooped as many old men did. What good looks he had 'lost' with age only made him more handsome in Mariana's eyes. It was true what they said, you saw what you wanted to see, and what Mariana saw was her true love in physical form.  
  
But now Jairc's eyes were different, something in them looked. Odd.  
  
"Is anything wrong?" Mariana hardly needed to see the nod of his head to know the answer.  
  
"Yes. Or no... No nothing is really wrong." His smile added more lines to his face than age had brought, and the look in his eyes changed. He seemed peaceful suddenly, like he had been dreading something but just realized it wouldn't be so terrible after all.  
  
Mariana's laugh was as gentle as it had been when she was a girl, and her smile was just as bright, although it no longer made the heart of every young man race. Just Jairc's heart.  
  
As they laid down on the bed, Mariana smiled again, but this time it was a little sad. She knew now, and she also knew that it would be no good fighting it even if fighting had been her way.  
  
"Will they miss us?" Mariana asked as she snuggled into Jairc and he wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"I think so." He said quietly and hugged her close to him.  
  
"That's good."  
  
And as Mariana's eyes drifted shut for the last time, he heard Jairc give a gentle sigh and she knew that it didn't matter. They would always be together; the Wheel wouldn't allow them to be apart. And even if the wheel did allow it, Mariana wouldn't.  
  
"My heart." Mariana said softly as they both breathed their last.  
  
"Forever" Jairc agreed.  
  
*flicker* *flicker* *flicker*  
  
"-ANA!" Jairc's cry echoed through the hills and he bumped into her, knocking them both to the ground where they lay, panting for air.  
  
"Never again." Jairc huffed weakly and rolled onto his back, looking at Mariana who lifted her head just enough to nod an agreement.  
  
"I don't need to do it again." Mariana said quietly, after catching her breath enough to speak.  
  
"That's. Good." Jairc trailed off into a snore, leaving Mariana alone to her thoughts.  
  
Mariana lifted her arm just enough to lightly touch Jairc's cheek, tears glistening on her face and falling to the ground. She was smiling though, and her tears weren't only for the sad memories she now held. She had left the tower a thousand times, some times for Jairc and some times because she simply couldn't take it anymore, but Jairc had been with her for every memory.  
  
"Forever, my love." Mariana whispered and clumsily drew her arm back before curling up and falling asleep beside Jairc, in reality only an hour after they had just gotten up, but during a spilt second of that hour they had lived a thousand times, and a rest was well in order. 


End file.
